Anyway, so the four of us would send various messages throughout the day be it the simple lunch and merienda invites, the latest juicy gossip or just our countless complaints and grievances. There were times when somebody would write something hilarious that all four of us would giggle simultaneously which would draw questioning gazes from our seniors. Ah, fun times.

I think it was one of the things that brought us closer together – constant communication via Outlook. And the e-mail that piqued my interest was one that listed our first impressions of one another. I can’t exactly recall how this came about but it must be during one of our bonding moments that we decided to tell each other these things, a year after we all first met.

For obvious reasons, I won’t be listing their qualities. I sent them a copy of the e-mail anyway. I hope they post it as well. But this is how they found me three short years ago:

BOM

First Impression:

• Di mahiyain (this is not “walang hiya” ha) pero naisip ko nun mabilis ka nag-open up sa amin ni Bob [MAK: Feeling close lang. Ehehe.]
• Reserved
• Sosyal (when it comes to material things) [MAK: Ngek! Hindi kaya.]

Surprise, Surprise:

• Super funny in a non-slapstick/toilet humor way
• Picky when it comes to friends but super loyal
• Likes to keep in touch often
• Always the gentleman
• Emotional/Sensitive

Totoo Pala:

• Sosyal (Hahaha! Pero I don’t mean it in a bad way),
• Reserved
• Mas gusto yung gumagalaw-galaw kaysa stagnant (this is not to contradict the “reserved” part… basta it pertains to two different things)

JELA

First Impression:

• Reserved
• Obsessive-Compulsive [MAK: Hala, sino kaya sa'ten ang mas-OC. LOL.]
• Fastidious [MAK: I'm not hard to please, no.]

Surprise, Surprise:

• Opinionated
• Morbid sense of humor (Hahaha…)
• Game

JEN

First Impression:

• Suplado at may sariling mundo
• At sabi nga ni Bom, hindi nahihiya (kasi first day pa lang ata nagpapa-tugtog na ng malakas, at kumakanta ha! Hehe..) [MAK: Tahimik niyo kasi. Ehehe.]

Surprise, Surprise:

• Someone that will make you anticipate what he’ll do next
• Super fun
• Male counterpart ni Bom sa pagiging fashionista (Hehe…)
• Reflective

It’s always nice to know how other people think of you. It gives us a chance to know which area we should work on (for shortcomings) and emphasize (for strong points).

And this exercise proves just that – it helped the four us be more open and comfortable with one another. Each of us may have started a new chapter in our own lives but I am assured that what we have established won’t make us a stranger to one another should our paths cross again. It makes me feel good to know that there are people like them in my life.

Or possibly, I’m just missing the idea of being with someone whom I can be my open, trusting and vulnerable self. Somebody whom I can’t wait to see or talk to and share stories with. I miss having petty arguments. I miss trying to make somebody smile and laugh. I miss the comfort. I miss the sense of belonging.

Good Lord. I really need to go out.

It is hard on my part to be this exposed but when I started this blog I swore that I’ll never hide what I really feel even at the risk of looking pitiful. Besides, it’s not like I’m being singled out to be like this. Everyone, at some point in their lives, must have felt something similar.

I guess it’s just my turn tonight, just one of those times when I’m struggling to keep a smile on my face. It’s a tough battle but it’s all worth it. I mean, one can never tell when somebody might fall in love with it.

And wanting to be wanted, for all the right reasons of course, doesn’t make a person insecure nor vain. It makes him normal.

*******

Contains elements of the composition ‘Kiss The Flame’ written by Jewel Kilcher.

It’s September first. I’m far from fully sorting things out but I’m getting there. Naturally, damn muses won’t budge. Well, fuck them. I’ll get me some new ones because I need to write.

Writing has always been my avenue. Well that and singing (and I use that term very, very loosely). I took the time off thinking that it might give me perspective. But it didn’t. I lost the one thing that kept me busy, and worse, it highlighted that I am living such a dull life.

Much like with how things turned out with regards to my personal issues. In a desperate attempt to find resolutions, I tried to put some distance between myself and my friends. I felt that I was becoming a bit too dependent, a bit too needy. I wanted to prove to myself that my being alone will put things back to how it were. I mean nobody wants to be a burden to anyone. In fact, it’s not even my role. I’m supposed to be the sponge, not the starfish. Poor analogy, but you know what I mean.

Anyway, the effort was of course, futile. It was stupid to begin with. But it did remind me that most often than not, complex circumstances call for the most basic approach.

All these complications stem out from my dissatisfaction – with my writing, my relationships, my life. The old Mak would have argued that it’s human nature to be incessantly wanting. But now, I just have this goal to live in the moment, cherish and appreciate people who really matter, and smile, thanks to Mr. Kabbalah.

Rating: A-

What if mankind evacuated Earth and forgot to turn off the last remaining robot?

I’ll tell you why but let me do away with the gratuitous praises first.

Wall-E is a terrific movie. Not once was I distracted to check the time, nor my mobile phone throughout the screening. In fact I was so focused on dissecting the film’s story; wondering what robots do to the bodies of those who have died in the Axiom. It’s been 700 years, and good Lord, everyone on that ship is one liquid burger away from a heart attack. They probably have robot models (MOR-T or MOR-G) for such instances. And then this old sedan appeared out of nowhere and almost ran me over. The grouchy driver was rambling about something but I had my iPod blasting j.Love’s “Barenaked” (it’s my pocketful of sunshine tune) so I just smiled and took off.

And for some more questions – how do they make babies in the future? Did the Axiom hold the entire world population, or was it just the Americas that had the garbage problem (or it could go like, were they the only ones saved as the rest died)? And if the robots were smart enough, why didn’t they just wipe out the human species and took over the Axiom, and subsequently, restore the Earth? And why a cockroach?

Anyway.

The visuals were outstanding. The movie’s moral lessons were succinctly depicted and delivered even with minimal dialogue. Which leads me to another point – the robots were just wonderful and their way of substituting beeps, rattles and eye rolls for actual words made the emotion more, heartfelt.

Which arcs back to the first question, how could I not love Wall-E? I feel for Wall-E when he would hold his own hand to comfort himself. Sadly, his longing reminded me of my own. I feel that it would take all of my life to find someone who will be there for me. Silver lining – Wall-E found EVE. After 700 years.

I recall the night when I first came to NYC. I was ecstatic because the first establishment that I saw was the MSG. If not for the crowd gathered all over the plaza, I would have kissed the ground which I’m standing on. It’s weird but for some reason I consider MSG as a holy shrine – it was where Mariah Carey had her concert back in 96, back when the biggest thing on her was her voice.

It was also the first time that I heard “Vision Of Love”. I was awed. I ran upstairs saying, “Mommy, mommy – I just found the greatest person in the world! I just heard the greatest voice!” Oh, wait. Those were Christina Aguilera’s lines. But I did say something similar. I started doing runs and dreamed of being able to sing like her, but in a manly-kind-of-way, when I grow up. That never came to fruition.

And after more than a decade, I found myself standing in front of where it all began. Nostalgia might have crept in that fateful night, but now that I’m seeing MSG clearly in broad daylight, it’s anything but magical. I know it is ridiculous to associate the arena to Mariah Carey but in my mind, the former was also an important facet. It didn’t stop me from being her number one fan but it sure made me question if I’m putting too much sentiment and value on the wrong things.

Regardless, I should have known – expectations fuel disappointment.

Rating: A

After meeting with the women who organized the Stand Up To Cancer campaign, Antonio “L.A.” Reid, Chairman of Island Def Jam Music Group was inspired to come up with a charity single that would feature more than a dozen of the world’s most accomplished female superstars, and that thing from Hannah Montana. And on September 5, all the singers are expected to join together for the song’s premiere performance.

Produced by Reid and Kenneth “Babyface” Edmonds, Just Stand Up is every bit of what I expected from a song sung by fifteen of the most relevant names in the industry. The three-minute song has each singer alternately singing a line or two with another. Those who were unlucky enough to draw the shortest straw got a syllable to utter. Beyonce and Carrie Underwood shared the first stanza; Fergie, Leona Lewis and Keyshia Cole worked on the second; Rihanna, Miley Cyrus, LeAnn Rimes and Natasha Bedingfield on the hook; Melissa Etheridge on the adlibs; and of course Ashanti, Ciara, Mary J. Blige and Mariah Carey on the bridge.

Amazingly though, the result is magical. Everybody’s vocals managed to blend in so perfectly yet the distinctive qualities of each person’s voice was retained. Things worth pointing out – Beyonce did not hog the spotlight on the record (the live performance would be a totally different matter though); Underwood is just the best thing that came out of American Idol (her vocal runs are so perfectly executed); Rihanna and Cyrus sound exactly alike (though they did a good job of providing the back vocals); Fergie’s strong Jamaican patois gave a good contrast to Lewis’ breathy and rather weak vocals; and Blige and Carey should do a record together because they just sound so freaking awesome.

Just Stand Up is a really good pop song. I never thought that they could pull off something as contemporary a tune. However, noble purposes aside, I am eager to see the live performance as I want to know who will try to outsing whom. After all, there can only be one diva.

*******

If the mind keeps thinking you’ve had enough but the heart keeps telling you don’t give up. Who are we to be questioning, wondering what is what. Don’t give up through it all, just stand up.

*******

Ang ganito bang pakiramdam ay nangangailangan lagi ng dahilan?

Ang gusto ko sana ay makagawa ng obra maestra pero mahirap kasi wala akong picture ko na dala ngayon para paggayahan. Dyuk!

Ayan, wala na din akong masabi kundi sige, laitin niyo na. Hahaha.

Pero ang manlait, panget. LOL.